Hate That I Love You
by Melissande
Summary: What happens when you love someone so much you hate that you love them? Lita X John, One Shot


Title: Hate that I love you

Author: Mel

Rating: PG, some reference to sexual language and sex

Dist: Ask

Disclaimer; I do not own the people in the story or the song by Rihanna

Summary: What happens when you love someone so much you hate that you love them?

Spoilers; None really, Lita retiring

Notes: Intended to say Lita retirement reason similar to Trish, ie to get married. Also no reviews of "cute" my muses refuse to be as they say "insulted by such unmanly sentiments." I'm sure y'all can't guess what muse I'm speaking of. cough cena, cough

-s-s-s-

He listened as once more he heard retching coming from behind the closed bathroom door. The sound was followed by several more signaling the same thing happening once more.

He physically cringed as though he were the one throwing up each time the action was heard. The man clung to the bed coverings behind him like a child fearful of a coming spanking, the sound frightened him so.

Sweat began to form on his skin as the retching sound stopped and silence filled the bathroom and bedroom.

He let out a relieved sigh at the sound of a flush. He then heard the contained person rise from the floor and go to the sink, turning on the tap. Splashing sounds followed then a few calming breathes, ones he himself echoed.

The man sighed. It had been like this every night for the past month, ever since an over the counter test then a doctor's appointment had confirmed the pregnancy. They hadn't been trying per se, just letting things happen naturally over and over. He figured either way he was happy. Happy because he had her and she was all he needed. And need her he did. She was a part of him. He wasn't' even sure when it had happened, but it had and he never wanted that to change.

She was so much a part of him that every time the so called morning sickness hit her, he may as well be the one with it. At first he had wanted to be with her when she had it, but after getting sick twice himself, they'd' decided he was best left sympathizing from afar when it hit.

Blue eyes looked up as light flooded the dark bedroom as the bathroom door opened. Hazel eyes widening in question at his appearance.

He was seated on the hope chest at the end of the bed, naked from the waist up, dressed only in in boxers, tanned skin white, covered in a shin of sweat.

"John, honey are you okay?"

Amy Dumas Cena, former WWE diva, asked as she turned the bathroom light off and pulled one of John's few dress shirts tighter around her body. Amy had a bathrobe, several in fact, but as she told her husband of just over a year, she liked wearing his clothes, it made her feel closer to him. As if his arms were wrapped around her especially when he was away from home.

John looked up at Amy as she made her way to his side, a look of fright painted on her face, as she knelt in front of him.

Amy's small hands came up to John's face and roamed his body in examination.

"John baby what's wrong? What hurts/"

He was speechless; here she had just emptied her stomach several times over, had begun to swell all over her body, couldn't' eat her favorite foods, ate stuff that grossed him out and couldn't keep anything down most of the time. And she was worried about him?

He brought a large hand up to her face, touching the water cooled skin and smiled.

Amy crinkled her nose in confusion.

"John are you okay?"

In answer he leaned forward and kissed her. She answered with a kiss of her own. The couple parted after several moments.

"Okay so you're okay, but why are you up?"

"Because you are."

"John I was coming back to bed."

"So?"

Amy rolled her eyes at her five year old husband.

John just smiled, running a thumb across her cheek.

"I missed you. Are you sure about this?"

"About what?"

"Having a kid."

Amy raised an eyebrow, confusion flooding her hazel eyes.

"John I have morning sickness, tender breasts, weird cravings. As well as five pregnancy tests and two ultrasound photos to confirm it."

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Well what did you mean John?"

"Are you sure you want kids?"

Amy was silent for several minutes.

"Yes I'm sure. Aren't you?"

"Yea, it's just…."

"Just what? John's what's the matter?"

"I hate that I love you."

"What?" Amy asked moving away from John only to be stopped by his arms.

"Just let me go."

"No. You misunderstood."

"No. I don't think I did. You just said you hate that you love me."

"Yeah, but not the way you think."

"Well how did you mean it? Please do explain it to me Mr. Cena."

"I meant I hate how I can't deny you anything. I hate how it hurts to see you in pain and know I can't do anything about it."

"Okay, I'm beginning to understand, I think."

"yeah. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. I was fine with no kids, jus' you. I want you to know no matta what, you're all I want, all I need."

"John…"

"Let me finish. I want you to know this kid thing scares the hell outta me…scares me jus' about more than anything. I nevra wanted kids, til you. But what scares me most is losin' you. So I hate that I love you so much I can deny you nothing'. I love you so much it scares me. I need you like my next breathe."

Amy was silent, tears beginning to flow freely from her eyes.

John stared at the wall, tears forming in his eyes as well.

Amy leaned forward and kissed John tenderly. It went on for several minutes before she pulled back, her hands framing his face.

"I love you. I feel the same way you do. When you are in a ring, on a plane, in a war zone, hell out of my sight--I feel the same fear. So John…"

Amy's face grew serious.

"I hate that I love you too."

Both were silent before they burst into laugher. It lasted several minutes before either found a break in their laughs.

"John, my love, you are one with words. Start out with an insult and end with a beautiful speech about love."

"I know I'm a charmer. What do ya say to going to bed and letting me show you just how much I hate that I love you."

Amy rose and took John's hand. The pair smiling as they climbed back into bed and spent the rest of the night and part of the next day discussing the ways they hated each other.

-x-xx-

So anyone wanna say cute? If so deal with the Cena muse. J


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